salsa vs. ketchup

i somehow find myself watching "the new los angeles" (a series on how immigrant labor has affected l.a.) on pbs, while simultaneously reading a news item on how the u.s. population is expected to reach a whopping 300 million people in approximately october of this year.

this is the first time my attention has ever been drawn to the battle between two of america's most-beloved condiments. it's a tomato tussle!

apparently, salsa sales exceeded ketchup sales at some point in the 1990s, spurring the introduction of a slew of contemporary ketchups for the new millennium. oh wait, no. there hasn't been anything progressive done with ketchup in years! the most exciting advancement at heinz in the last century may very well have been the "top-down" version, which (as if it even needs to be pointed out) has nothing to do with the ketchup at all. this was solely an advancement in the ketchup dispenser, and i think we, the consumer, actually had this under control on our own by storing the ketchup bottle upside down.

salsa, on the other hand, is a condiment that is constantly reinventing itself (much like madonna) in order to best appeal to its target demographic by assessing current trends and through careful consideration of environmental factors. this adaptive nature is what has allowed salsa to clandestinely move to the forefront of the condiment world, while ketchup continues to flounder in the presence of foods that aren't burgers, hot dogs or french fries.

now, don't get me wrong. i love ketchup on meatloaf and hot dogs, and i actually don't give a shit about the battle for condiment supremacy between salsa and ketchup. i'm just saying that heinz shouldn't blame ketchup's faltering greatest american condiment status on the number of spanish-speaking people now living in the u.s.

kind of in the same way i'd say people shouldn't blame their inability to find employment on the number of spanish-speaking people now living in the u.s.

but i won't get into that now.